Its a good thing he drives a Civic. Because of all of its problems! "Supplies! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section. "Stay here! Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. It was impossible to put down. How does cereal pay its bills? Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. He was drunk and crashed the train this time killing 8 people. How does the moon cut his hair? It made us laugh. I opened the fridge door and its working fine! ", "A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. "They reach an M-passe. My grief counselor died the other day. So thank you to all of you here. Sundae school. ", "What does a sprinter eat before a race?" Bring out the doggy paddle. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. ", and the horse replied "Don't you think you have a talking-to-animals problem? I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there. I used to run a dating service for chickens. The guards being very visibly upset over the situation denied his request and he was left no last meal. Yep, almost as hot as those Father's Day dad jokeswe gave you were. 150 Best Dad Jokes: The Only Joke List You'll Ever Need - TheCoolist I picked up a book about anti-gravity. But if you accept that dad jokes could, in theory, provide humor and might, possibly, produce a laugh, experts say the benefits could be small but real. Day after day the event slowly slipped out of his mind as time went by with no new information whatsoever. "A satisfactory. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. So I went ahead and renewed the subscription for another 10 years. Unfortunately, the police were no help and the case started to gain traction with the media. I cant drink coffee. It just didn't work out. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. "But I had an Incredible breakthrough in my dream. ", His co-worker asks him Hey Jim, what happened, man? Why are pigs so bad at sports? Her sister was coming over with her new French husband, and she wanted to impress him with escargot. They know they should study, but they cant reisist a good party. My wife: Ill be late from work today. But 99% of you will never get it. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. Turns out, good players are hard to find. ", "If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" ", "What kind of car does an egg drive?" In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. 175 Funny Dad Jokes That Are So Bad, They're Actually Pretty Good - MSN Its days are numbered." "My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. She told me hes guilty of resisting a rest. Why are you late?. This is not the way I die. ", "Did you hear about the circus fire? The therapy was a huge success, he completed all but one meetings and he had just one more to go. Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said parking fine.. That means a lot. The father shakes his head and goes, I was talking to your girlfriend., Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? Turns out it was the refrigerator all along. A mugging. It happened again though. Jake, feeling remorse, called the police and told them what had happened. The lady was undecided until she saw a beautiful boxer. 153 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious Best Life They're so sweet, even bees would eat them up. If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. Never mindit's tearable. Two guys walked into a bar. People must be dying to get in there I thought. Add these brilliant one-liners and puns to your repertoire, and you'll be on your way to matching dad's pun-king status in no time. Eric Spitznagel is a frequent contributor to magazines like Playboy, Esquire, and the New York Times, and was employed for over two decades by the Second City comedy theater, where Stephen Colbert was his Secret Santa _twice. I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing. They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free. A trombone. What is happening to me?". Sure enough, in boot camp, he was last in line to get a rifle. He replied, Youre looking lovely today. As I waited for the bus to the hotel, I noted all the posted flyers for "massage". Wanna hear a joke about paper? So, in honor of joke-telling dads everywhere, we present the best of the best corny dad jokes and puns, whether you need a few new one-liners to add to your own repertoire, are craving a good chuckle, or are looking for a good Fathers Day caption or dad quote to honor your hilarious pops. How can a leopard change his spots? Reali-tea. ", "I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". Dogs can't operate MRI machines. Don't call me later, call me Dad! I mean, I think its John Cenas voice, but I dont know for sure since I cant see him. My dad died because he couldnt remember his blood type. Okay. Two artists had an art contest. Whether we're willing to admit it or not, sometimes these jokes are actually funny. Data. Unbelievable. She responded, Im, My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.
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